Post by kds on Jun 7, 2021 13:48:14 GMT
"It's summer. Summertime is here. Yes, it's summer. My time of year."
Summertime is my favorite time of year. The days are warm and long. It's prime season for going to the beach. The suburbs are filled with the smells of freshly mowed grass and grilled food.
But, just like anything that (I think) is great, some folks just can't keep it together.
First of all, fireworks. If you live in a state where fireworks are legal, and you're setting them off constantly after 10pm, you're an asshole. If you live in a state where fireworks are illegal, and you're setting them off constantly after 10pm, you're an asshole and a criminal. Seriously, what is the fascination with these things anyway? Even when I was a kid, I grew a little tired of them ten minutes into any display. Maybe you have little ones, and you want to put on a little display for them, but in my experience, most of these amateur fireworks enthusiasts aren't setting them off for kids. They've been drinking Natural Lights since 1pm, and listening to Kid Rock, and they're all amped up to make some shit go BOOM. Stop it!! Nightly unplanned fireworks displays can make life very difficult for pet owners and veterans who suffer from PTSD. At least the yearly Fourth of July ones can be planned for. Not so much the ones that are still going off at 1am on July 5th. So, try to find something a little more quiet once we get deep into the night, please
OK, now, I'm going to address the white girls out there. You know the ones I mean, the ones who are affectionately (or maybe not affectionately) known as "basic B's." There are two types in this category.
Let's start with the first one, the ones who actually embrace summer. They can go out and day drink with their fellow BBs and turn into obnoxious woo girls after having four White Claws out in the sun by the water. Ask like you've been there before, even if you're celebrating Becky's Birthday Month. Have fun. Drink up. But, nobody wants to hear six woman screaming at 3pm when their favorite Lizzo song comes on. And, speaking of being by the water, is there some sort of social media requirement that if you're by any body of water, be it a pool, lake, river, bay, or ocean, that you have to post a picture of your bare feet by said water? I don't know when this started, but I image foot fetishists must get all jacked up this time of year, especially for "Sunday Fundays."
OK, now the second group of BBs, the ones who worship fall. We get it. You like crisp weather, hoodies, pumpkin patches, pumpkin spice lattes, but there's no need to pine for this stuff in early fucking July. Life goes by too fast as it is. Just....wait.
Speaking of rushing the season, the retail world needs to relax. There's nothing like going to the Walmart or Target to get some charcoal and food for the July 4 cookout, and seeing "Back to School" stuff in the seasonal aisle. For Christ's sake, they kids just got out like two weeks ago!! Goddamn COVID and the birth of virtual learning is already robbing kids of the old pleasures of "snow days," let them enjoy summer before being hit with those dreaded three words - Back to School. Give 'em until August at least. Then, again, by August, they need room in the seasonal aisle for Halloween, and in some stores Christmas, stuff.
There may be some practical reasons for retails putting out seasonal stuff early, so I can sort of get that, even if I don't like it. But, I can't think of any excuse for beer vendors. It seems like every year, the fall seasonal beers - the Marzen/Oktoberfests and pumpkin ales - hit the shelves a little earlier. In some smaller liquor stores, you're actually hard pressed to find summer seasonals by mid to late August. In my neck of the woods, we typically get summer weather well into late September. By then, summer ales are difficult to find, except at the Total Wine chain store, which has more shelf / cooler space than most liquor stores. And, if you go to a bar around Labor Day, chances are, the Sam Adams seasonal keg has been switched to Oktoberfest. I actually know a bar owner who stopped carrying Sam Adams Seasonal for this season. Who wants a darker heavier beer when it's still 90 degrees and humid?
Let's review. Have fun this summer, but keep it down, and don't be an obnoxious jerk ass. Stay safe, stay hydrated, stop posting pictures of your feet, and for God's sake, let summer be summer. These yearly rotations around the sun go faster and faster, and we only get so many of them. Don't rush it.
Summertime is my favorite time of year. The days are warm and long. It's prime season for going to the beach. The suburbs are filled with the smells of freshly mowed grass and grilled food.
But, just like anything that (I think) is great, some folks just can't keep it together.
First of all, fireworks. If you live in a state where fireworks are legal, and you're setting them off constantly after 10pm, you're an asshole. If you live in a state where fireworks are illegal, and you're setting them off constantly after 10pm, you're an asshole and a criminal. Seriously, what is the fascination with these things anyway? Even when I was a kid, I grew a little tired of them ten minutes into any display. Maybe you have little ones, and you want to put on a little display for them, but in my experience, most of these amateur fireworks enthusiasts aren't setting them off for kids. They've been drinking Natural Lights since 1pm, and listening to Kid Rock, and they're all amped up to make some shit go BOOM. Stop it!! Nightly unplanned fireworks displays can make life very difficult for pet owners and veterans who suffer from PTSD. At least the yearly Fourth of July ones can be planned for. Not so much the ones that are still going off at 1am on July 5th. So, try to find something a little more quiet once we get deep into the night, please
OK, now, I'm going to address the white girls out there. You know the ones I mean, the ones who are affectionately (or maybe not affectionately) known as "basic B's." There are two types in this category.
Let's start with the first one, the ones who actually embrace summer. They can go out and day drink with their fellow BBs and turn into obnoxious woo girls after having four White Claws out in the sun by the water. Ask like you've been there before, even if you're celebrating Becky's Birthday Month. Have fun. Drink up. But, nobody wants to hear six woman screaming at 3pm when their favorite Lizzo song comes on. And, speaking of being by the water, is there some sort of social media requirement that if you're by any body of water, be it a pool, lake, river, bay, or ocean, that you have to post a picture of your bare feet by said water? I don't know when this started, but I image foot fetishists must get all jacked up this time of year, especially for "Sunday Fundays."
OK, now the second group of BBs, the ones who worship fall. We get it. You like crisp weather, hoodies, pumpkin patches, pumpkin spice lattes, but there's no need to pine for this stuff in early fucking July. Life goes by too fast as it is. Just....wait.
Speaking of rushing the season, the retail world needs to relax. There's nothing like going to the Walmart or Target to get some charcoal and food for the July 4 cookout, and seeing "Back to School" stuff in the seasonal aisle. For Christ's sake, they kids just got out like two weeks ago!! Goddamn COVID and the birth of virtual learning is already robbing kids of the old pleasures of "snow days," let them enjoy summer before being hit with those dreaded three words - Back to School. Give 'em until August at least. Then, again, by August, they need room in the seasonal aisle for Halloween, and in some stores Christmas, stuff.
There may be some practical reasons for retails putting out seasonal stuff early, so I can sort of get that, even if I don't like it. But, I can't think of any excuse for beer vendors. It seems like every year, the fall seasonal beers - the Marzen/Oktoberfests and pumpkin ales - hit the shelves a little earlier. In some smaller liquor stores, you're actually hard pressed to find summer seasonals by mid to late August. In my neck of the woods, we typically get summer weather well into late September. By then, summer ales are difficult to find, except at the Total Wine chain store, which has more shelf / cooler space than most liquor stores. And, if you go to a bar around Labor Day, chances are, the Sam Adams seasonal keg has been switched to Oktoberfest. I actually know a bar owner who stopped carrying Sam Adams Seasonal for this season. Who wants a darker heavier beer when it's still 90 degrees and humid?
Let's review. Have fun this summer, but keep it down, and don't be an obnoxious jerk ass. Stay safe, stay hydrated, stop posting pictures of your feet, and for God's sake, let summer be summer. These yearly rotations around the sun go faster and faster, and we only get so many of them. Don't rush it.